Baby Steps in the Fast Lane: Teaching My Teen to Drive

Teaching teen driving is more nerve wracking than breastfeeding. For breastfeeding, there was a back up plan: store-bought formula. For driving, the experience I have earned (sometimes the hard way) can't be transferred in a bottle. When she was knee high, I aimed her body toward open spaces. I padded sharp corners, removed glass vases, covered electrical outlets and locked cabinets. She crawled and explored her motor skills safely. Now, her motor skills again are directed to open spaces, knowing the car bumper, a seat belt, and air bag are all we have for protection. I can't remove the fire hydrants or electrical poles or lock the steering wheel away from sharp corners with hidden objects. Baby steps. Yes, that’s the ticket! 

Lesson 1: Pre-permit, she started the car for me all winter so I enjoyed entering a heated vehicle. I also had her look up from the cell phone while I drove to schools, stores or music lessons. I figured she had to learn the city and whether we were heading north or south, east or west, and had her suggest which direction I should go if I wanted to go home. By early spring, I had her back the car out of garage so she knew how to shift gears.

Lesson 2: This summer, permit in pocket, cell phone tucked away, she buckled up, checked mirrors, and backed out all the way to the street. She asked, “When do I start cutting the wheel?”

     “Right about after your back tires are on the street,” I surmised, having not really thought about that before. The teacher ought to know how to teach this, but this is a first for me too!

     Once we made the turn backing out of our driveway into the street, she shifted from R to D, and we moved slowly in the direction of the street’s center but suddenly we were facing my neighbor’s front lawn and rushing toward the fire hydrant. “Stop!” I yelled in that blink of a second.

     “OOPS! Sorry!” she said. “I stepped on the gas pedal instead of the brake.” I had her reverse, and then idle forward toward the curb as best as she could, then put it in Park.

     "Take off your shoes," I said. “Trust me. You'll feel the difference between the pedals."

     “Oh, the brake pedal is closer (higher) to my foot. The gas pedal is further away.” We made it to the end of the street where we practiced right turns, then practiced parking in the garage. I taught her to stop when the side mirror was near the light switch on the wall. Perfect! That was enough for the day.

Lesson 3: We made a plan (practice parking and turns) while the car was still in Park. One can’t just wing it in the city. When my teen and I had a clear notion of where we were headed and how we were going to get there, there was a sense of calm in the car. A lost teen is a nervous teen. Our plan was to find a big lot. Open parking lots to teen drivers are like a coloring book to a two-year-old: staying in the lines doesn’t matter at this point but you feel proud when you do. Here, she was able to master parking between lines and up to a curb. We both gained more confidence --she in her motor driving skills, and me, well, I was ready to put my life in her hands that held the wheel at nine and three.

Lesson 4: Repeat Lesson 3 in a different large parking lot. While this became a bit boring, I was pleased with the progress.

Lesson 5:  It was time for slow speed limits. She drove on a curvy road around a Minneapolis lake, 20 mph, using a tiny lakeside parking lot to turn around and go in the opposite direction. Steering greatly improved here, and she was able to park the car, pull out in reverse, and then practice left turns onto the lazy curvy Parkway. Her improved skills meant we were ready to get on a highway. But not in the city.

Lesson 7:  With highway driving in mind, we planned a cabin stay near Brainerd, Minnesota where country roads wind around some of our state’s 10,000 lakes (good practice for steering), with varying speed limits from 45 to 60 mph. By the end of the weekend, we had her drive home on Hwy.169 around the views of Lake Mille Lacs. There was a slow moving tractor in the right lane. She switched lanes, and passed it safely. With single lane construction signs and barrels coming up, we decided to stop at a rest area and switch to a parent driver. Wouldn’t you know that just as my husband took over and merged back onto Highway169, that slow tractor was ahead of us again, entering a single lane of construction!  Chalk it up to teaching patience.  

Lesson 8 was city highway driving where we repeatedly entered and exited a cloverleaf to practice merges before rush hour.

Lesson 9: Parallel parking with cones in that big lot worked great, but we needed a good chunk of time.

Lesson 10: I learned of a program called B.R.A.K.E.S. (Be Responsible and Keep Everyone Safe). It’s a non-profit Teen Pro-Active Driving School taught by racecar drivers. It’s not in out city, so for now we had to practice quick reaction time steering for skids and stops to avoid deer, bicyclists, and other moving targets.

     I plan to enjoy this practice phase as long as possible. After all, once your teen’s photo is on a license, she’s not a baby any more! Next it will be time to have a discussion on limits for car sharing, night driving, and what to do if there is a fender bender. Now I’m off to drive myself to the store. All these baby steps gave me some gray hairs that need coloring.

Teens and Sleep Depriviation, by Jessica Brenner

Imagine a classroom full of students, physically there, but mentally and emotionally they are in their beds, sleeping. This is what it’s like to be in an early morning class in the 21st century. These sleep deprived teens are not only like this in school, but also in sports, extracurricular activities and more. As a teen, I definitely know the repeated feeling of stress and fatigue. I’ve heard endless complaints from peers around me about being exhausted, and it obviously takes away from learning and our social lives. School, extracurricular activities, stress, technology and sleep patterns are causing extreme sleep deprivation and health issues in 21st century teens. Later school start times, along with awareness of sleep deprivation in teens among parents, teachers, coaches and teens themselves would help resolve this problem.   Like this topic? Follow it on Twitter @ehsteensleep

How do Teens’ Sleep Patterns Affect their Sleep Quality?

Teens’ everyday lives, including their sleep patterns affect how much sleep teens get each night. According to Education Week, teens’ natural sleep cycles begin to shift as they hit puberty. It’s normal for them to not be able to fall asleep until 11pm or later (G. Caimey, 2013). Changes in teens’ bodies are not something that teens have a choice about, and should not be punished for it. Many teens are not able to fall asleep until at least 11pm, and adding on other stress, activities and homework adds to the level of sleep deprivation in teens. This is where solutions such as later school start times are essential to ensure teens are not punished for their bodies sleep cycles. How teen bodies react with sleep deprivation and its causes cannot be changed, but there are steps that can be taken to help teens get more sleep.

How Does Stress and Pressures from Teens’ Daily Lives Affect Their Sleep?

Stress and pressures from school and other activities are an essential cause of fatigue in teens  Homework, sports and other activities out of school provide higher levels of sleep deprivation in teens. According to the Christian Science Monitor, "the nation's youngest students are doing three times as much homework as is recommended" (S. Caspari, 2015). The article then goes on to state, "Kids are not going to give up their extracurriculars, but then they are stuck with all this homework, so the things that get left out are actually really important things like chores, family time, and sleep" (S. Caspari, 2015). Homework and sports have become increasingly overwhelming aspects of teens lives. They are taking up more and more of teens’ time as the years progress, and the value placed on sleep is decreasing dramatically. Sleep is planned around all other activities, whereas everything really should be planned around getting an adequate amount of sleep each night.

Technology and its Effect on Teens’ Sleep

The 21st century is making more and more progress in technology, and teens are becoming more and more sleep deprived because of it. Technology heightens the effects of sleep deprivation in teens, making it harder for teens to function in their daily lives. According to the National Sleep Foundation, “97% of teens had at least one electronic appliance in the bedroom. Having 4 or more was associated on average with 30 minutes less sleep each night” (Carskadon, M. A., 2009). Also, results of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s Big Sleep Survey proved that there were significant linear trends between technology use and short sleep duration, later sleep onset and wake lag. (Gamble, A. L., D'Rozario, A. L., Bartlett, D. J., Williams, S., Bin, Y. S., Grunstein, R. R., & Marshall, N. S., 2014, 11).  Technology is a growing tool in our society, and although it can be used in many beneficial ways, cell phones especially are keeping teens up at night and causing more lag in the morning.

How Does Sleep Deprivation Itself Affect Teens?

Sleep deprivation causes many health issues in teens, in addition to making them feel tired. The National Sleep Foundation, or NSF, says that teens need at least 8 hours of sleep per night, but only 15% of teens really get as much sleep as they need (National Sleep Foundation., 2015). Furthermore, the NSF writes,

Not getting enough sleep or having sleep difficulties can:

• Limit your ability to learn, listen, concentrate and solve problems. You may even forget important information like names, numbers, your homework or a date with a special person in your life
• Make you more prone to pimples. Lack of sleep can contribute to acne and other skin problems;
• Lead to aggressive or inappropriate behavior such as yelling at your friends or being impatient with your teachers or family members;
• Cause you to eat too much or eat unhealthy foods like sweets and fried foods that lead to weight gain;
• Heighten the effects of alcohol and possibly increase use of caffeine and nicotine; and
• Contribute to illness, not using equipment safely or driving drowsy. (National Sleep Foundation., 2015)

Meanwhile, a journal from Education Week states that, “sleep is critical to brain development, memory function, and cognitive skills, especially among children” (G. Caimey, 2013). These statistics prove that teens’ health is drastically affected by sleep deprivation.

Advocate Your School Offer Later Start Times

Later school start times are extremely helpful to ensure students and teachers can be as efficient with their time as possible. Not only can they help eliminate stress, they have been proven helpful to decrease the amount of sleep deprivation teens face. I’ve been fortunate to attend high school in Edina, MN, where ours was the first school district in the US to change its start times because of medical research. The district changed the start times from 7:20 am to 8:30 am in 1996. The later start times found an increase in attendance rates, graduation class numbers, and the students’ average GPA. Also, 92% of parents in Edina said their students were “easier to live with” (Wahlstrom, 2014, 1-3).

What Can be Done to Limit the Amount of Stress in Teens?

Students are overwhelmed with the amount of homework and other outside activities they are responsible to accomplish in a given day, weeknight, and even weekends. Teachers, coaches and parents need to be educated to be aware of how much they are asking of from teens.

Lesson Homework Loads: Homework should be limited in order for teens’ sleep quality to improve. The Christian Science Monitor quotes, “Homework should start at 10 minutes a night for first graders, and increase in increments of 10 minutes per grade, culminating in two hours of homework for 12th-graders" (S. Caspari, 2015).

Reasonable Sports Demands on Time: The time we spend on sports and technology should be limited by parents and coaches in order to reduce stress and sleep deprivation. Although we embrace and value sports highly, many coaches and student athletes need to take a step back and set their priorities straight. Sports are extremely important, but without sleep nothing is possible, especially not high athletic performance. I know, as I play Club and High School Volleyball. Coaches need to be more conscious of how much time they are asking their -young student athletes to commit to with regards to practices on school nights.

Parental Supervision on Technology Distractions: I know it sounds not popular, but our parents also need to help us teens get enough sleep at night. Parents should initiate rules about technology, especially before bed time, particularly at a young age so that teens are trained to get off their phones as soon as possible before bed in order to help them to gain as much sleep as possible every night. I put my phone on “do not disturb” and use a “self-control” app to avoid distractions when I need to concentrate. I know technology is a useful, but we need to be more aware of how much we are using it before bed. School, technology and sports and very highly valued aspects of a teenage lifestyle, but there must be a balance between them and mental and physical health in teens.

Sleep Habits That Work

Although my friends and I talk about being tired, we often don’t know how to possess good sleep habits and get the most out of the little amounts of sleep we do get. An important aspect of solving teen fatigue is providing teens with good time management, to allow for deeper sleep, despite the later bedtimes. I conducted a survey to further my research, and surveyed around 35 teens ages 14-16. According to the survey, on average, students said that they felt that sleep was a 9 on a scale of 1-10, when ranked the perceived importance. Despite this, 91.4% of the participants replied that they do not feel they get enough sleep at night, an average of only 7 hours. A journal from Brown University also proves that teens have never been educated on good sleep habits. The journal explains that many teens engage in unhealthy sleep habits. For example, 97% of teens keep electronics in their rooms while they sleep, and over 75% of students reported drinking at least one caffeinated beverage per day. Teens should have less light at night and more light during the day, and irregular schedules and inconsistent amounts of light at different times in the day cause fatigue (Carskadon, M. A., 2009, 4). Sleep is essential to teen lives, and most of us teens know that. In fact, not only do teens know that sleep is essential, we want to get as much sleep as possible. Yet, teens are still not getting as much sleep as they need. This is partly because teens do not understand what they need to do to optimize the effects of the sleep they are getting. By gaining understanding of what good sleep habits are and how to implement them, students will be able to understand what they can do to use their little sleep more effectively and feel well rested.

Conclusion

In conclusion, teens in the 21st century have grown to be more and more sleep deprived as the years go on, a result of extreme amounts of stress in school and extracurricular activities, as well as technology and just teens’ bodies. Teens, coaches, teachers and other important people in teens’ lives need to understand how much teens are asked to accomplish as well as learn to be more aware of how much they are asking of their teen in order to ensure they can get enough sleep at night. With proper information and awareness of this issue, our community can benefit greatly and become much more efficient, because teens will be awake and ready to take on whatever life throws at them. Sleep deprivation in teens doesn’t just affect themselves, but those around them and their community. Without sleep, teens are not able to function to our full potential and contribute to our society.

Leaving the Work Force Was Priceless

Leaving the Work Force Was Priceless

A Career Woman’s Decade as a Domestic Engineer, by Judith Brenner

Despite the judging eyes of others, I chose full time parenting, and left the workforce despite being degree-laden. It is not a cop out to decline the role of “super mom.” Peers accused me of sacrificing my career by leaving the corporate ladder opportunities behind. Yet I am content with the decision. I was paid in priceless memories of first steps and first periods. I’ve been paid in thankyous from my smiling baby turned teenager slurping up history from the pureed baby food to today’s smoothies.

For many parents, scaling back at the office has become a necessity when the cost of childcare strains even a middle-class salary A recent poll (July 2015) shows 65 % of parents have passed up a job opportunity/stopped working or switched to a less challenging job to allow more time to care for your children.  See Washington Post Poll results. The numbers didn’t add up for me. Worse, I dreaded what I was missing at home when the babies were with a nanny. The money could not replace the fear factor of lifetime memories I was going to pass up.

Since age 16, I worked in a factory and after college, I became a journalist writing about manufacturing. I applied these skills to motherhood, engineering efficiently crafted meals and DIY closet organizers. I wrote prose about steel, lighting energy retrofits, and introduced the idea of portable toilets to Thailand as a publicist. As a stay at home mom, I taught toddlers how to sit (or squat) on these vacuum-molded plastic potties and installed LED bulbs before they were cool. I wrote about infertility labs in hospitals and neurological studies on stuttering. This fascinating knowledge was put to use getting pregnant, and later, knowing exactly why I couldn’t help stutter when seeing my child tip a crystal vase: “Oh-o-no-No! Dddddon’t touch Thhhhaaat!!”

I once wrote maternity ward brochures about a breastfeeding hot line, and later I knew whom to call! Following the horrific 911 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Towers, I was a crisis communications manager answering business inquiries about property insurance coverage. Later, I knew too well how submit claims when a frozen pipe burst downstairs, flooding my daughter’s bedroom carpet. (Should have prevented that one!)

I used to write confidential memos to employees about corporate restructurings. Now I pride myself as chief operating officer of a home with no secrets!

            I used that postgraduate wisdom on time management and workflow. I developed best practices for keeping everyone’s favorite outfits clean when they need them. Home-cooked meals were produced with the least amount of pots to clean. My hands still to do the brunt of the housework. They look like my grandmother’s hands with papery skin and pulsing veins indicating a life map. Are they paths to wisdom, or roads to foolishness and waste? My daughter traced the pillowy veins with her finger on my thin skin, comparing them to the Science Museum’s exhibit on the anatomy of human hands. The docent asked if I’d be their hand model! Yet I am content with how they look. My hands continue to wash dishes, apples, clothes, counters and floors. On winter days, they crack and they bleed. Summer brings dirt under fingernails.  The creams and the kisses from children are all the remedies required. My hands are not pretty, but I am content.

            Yes, I passed up the opportunity for promotions. Was it a cop-out to enjoy the feeling of contentment as a domestic engineer? Some say this state of mind led to complacency. Complacent minds tend to stagnate. Others said I’d be out of touch and unemployable in the future. I heard from peers: “What on earth do you DO all day now that you don’t have a job?”

            Job opportunities to leap back into the workforce abound. Out my window, I often saw neighbors waiting at the bus stop. I used to get out the stroller, and network with the men and women to stay plugged in on workplace trends.  There was a playwright, an art masterpiece restorer, a computer tech, an economics professor and across the way, two doctors. Nearby, I met stay-at-home dads who had great insights on the best parks, sledding hills, ice rinks, city fishing holes and the scoop on bird feeder building workshops for kids. The working women on my block equally shared their talents. I learned how to make disastrous dinners look pretty thanks to a food stylist who directed photographers. An advertising rep taught me about sales tactics which I used to help a friend host a jewelry show for some extra cash. It was valuable to meet a lawyer, a singer, a Spanish workbook editor, a tech stock analyst, and a dentist who also produced documentary films in India.  I was content to hear about my neighbors’ fascinating occupations, and eager for my daughters to see the possibilities. Yet I was disenchanted when the questions came thundering toward me. “When will you go back to work?” “What do you do with all that time?”  When I wasn’t defending my position in person, the questions bantered from the TV. Daytime talk show experts said that a woman wastes her earning power when she chooses motherhood as a sole profession. “Allowing the man to be the provider is risky. He will die! Or leave you for another woman! Or get sick! You will be stuck with a mortgage, kids, and earn less as a penalty for leaving the workforce.” How could I be so irresponsible? I respected the argument, but resented the assumptions. I didn’t fear the future. Yes, I traded a W2 for the terrible twos, and now the tech-addicted teens. I am not rushing. I don’t have to jam household chores into a weekend when corporations are closed.

I met my goal to be available when their little eyes shined with pride or squinted with tears. I was there to congratulate them, to sooth them, and listen to them right at the exact moments they want to be heard. My hands, like those on a clock, relished every minute to catch a spontaneously cuddle. My fingers shuffled playing cards. My arms threw snowballs, or pushed swings. (I am famous for my “underdogs!”) The rough skin on my hands reveals the joy of being content. I feel full.

Once my daughters started middle school, I started freelance writing again. A friend of mine who also left the workplace a decade ago landed a job as environmental scientist in the corporate world, thanks to her networking. After raising babies to teens as a stay at home mom, she stayed in touch with former bosses as they moved around. It can be done. For me, I opted to go back to work as my own boss. I acquired a national trade publication to work at home while my daughters are in middle school and high school. I write how to features, sell ads, and enjoy a flexible schedule. My hands are worse off, the bank account modest, but the memories of full time motherhood are priceless.

Judith Brenner is a mother, freelance writer, and small business owner of Sharpeners-Report.com. She lives in Edina, MN with her husband and two daughters, and blogs at http://brennerbuzz.blogspot.com/ follow on twitter: https://twitter.com/JBRE